"It’s not about the money, it’s about the greed!"

-Todd Ganey ( Altruism at its worst. )

"No. Don’t be fair."

-Todd Ganey ( Advice to his son. )

"It’s the only way to break the ice. Cream."

-Todd Ganey ( Only tells dad jokes these days. )

"Can't suck that though!"

-Todd Ganey ( Smash bros smack talk )

"I just can't...praise him...more..."

-Todd Ganey ( Appearing physically pained )

"I thought it was fake. This is a Scifi!!!"

-Todd Ganey ( On the miracle of child birth )

"You need toilet paper? You're going to the hospital!! "

-Todd Ganey ( Life is frugal at the Ganey household. )

"That is how it worked in my family. I had two kids, they stole my nuts. "

-Todd Ganey ( On life )

"The Bell Pepper lost me the sponge bath."

-Todd Ganey

"Hi Honey. I'm home and I'm going upstairs. I will need help going upstairs and we're either sponge bathing or changing the sheets in the morning."

-Todd Ganey ( Preparing his homecoming speech to his wife after an unexpectedly strenuous bike ride )

"Luckily the cows were not in any angry season they might have..."

-Todd Ganey ( On being trapped in a cow pasture with a mountain bike )

"Boy, chipmunks don't know when they've got a good thing. "

-Todd Ganey

"That's what the dick bar is!!"

-Todd Ganey ( No it isn't )

"I've never undergrounded."

-Todd Ganey ( On life's regrets )

"They probably have a professional pit."

-Todd Ganey

"Henry was a very easy birth. Look at that tiny head!"

-Mike Sheppard

"Yeah, I'd be willing to pass that too!"

-Todd Ganey

"Strip yourself down to naked, and then spread yourself for the world!"

-Todd Ganey ( on firewalls, metaphorically speaking )

"They learned it from cats."

-Todd Ganey ( on certain people who hide dead bodies in mattresses )

"If you don't fill this mouth with something, I will!"

-Todd Ganey ( at Dinner )

"I will not rock you."

-Todd Ganey ( proving he was never a band member of 'Queen )

"I really enjoyed jumping around and turning into a fairy."

-Todd Ganey

"Their love will last a lifetime, and so will the chairs."

-Todd Ganey

"Wow! You can fork the bone!"

-Todd Ganey

"You know what would be a cool sport? Football, but you have to hold a teaspoon of water."

-Todd Ganey

"Nothin' like getting greased up!"

-Todd Ganey

"It looked like wild flailing! How can you go wrong with that?"

-Todd Ganey ( on Wii boxing )

"I'd love you but you're too big."

-Todd Ganey

"That's the muffler talking."

-Todd Ganey

"You dropped your hand!"

-Todd Ganey

"You touched my ball!"

-Mike Sheppard

"I'm the human guitar!"

-Todd Ganey

"That's how marriage works. Each person thinks they got the better end of the deal."

-Todd Ganey

"I am going to need a lot of things before the children come."

-Todd Ganey

"Just have a baby shower."

-Mike Sheppard

"No, you don't understand. It's not for them."

-Todd Ganey