"Quit lifting weights. We have to go to a bro-meeting!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Office Exercise Programs )

""

-Anonymous

"No"

-Theodore sheppard ( walking away )

"We're really little, but we're strong and creepy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Playing the creepy crime game. )

"Go fart on the eternal flame!"

-Shayla Mullaney

"Never get married and never have kids!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Advice to the intern.. )

"That's what my parents tell me!"

-Anonymous

"He's not coming back because theres too much math? what the hell do they do in 4.0 roleplay?"

-Dave Russom ( questioning why someone wasn't coming back to our DnD group. )

"I cant believe its not butter!"

-Jeannie ( after waiting over 5 minutes for cream to whip into butter )

"I'm not paranoid, I'm observant."

-Tom Broadway

"Everybody wants me to get a facebook account so I can know when they're wiping their butts."

-Shayla Mullaney

"Garage saleing is where you take your entire garage, attach sails to it and go sailing. "

-Jeannie Johnson

"I urged it and I went for it!"

-Todd Canfield ( Why there wasn't enough time to invite anyone to Eagan's )

"Manipulated means you're being controlled without your consent. You consented to being controlled. You're Owned!"

-Sean Basham ( Shattering all of Langford's hopes and dreams )

"I was born in a can!"

-Chris Ross ( megan, Colby and Chris were talking about canned vegetables. Megan and Colby didn't grow up on canned food and Chris did )

"You can't use box wine for communion."

-Carol VanNoy

"I guess you could pickle anything."

-Jenn Wolf ( expressing begrudging admiration for an entrepeneur )

"You're fired for reckless incongruence!"

-Joe Lacena ( in response to one of many "Nathan rants )

"You know, if you go through life thinking you're going to get murdered, you'll never get fresh, free bagels."

-Andrew

"You've relapsed once. After that you're just drinking."

-John Linehan

"So, Scott, I'm out in my field... with four women... and my horse..."

-Buddy Stevens ( looking for treasure )

"You can call me brainy smurf."

-Bryan Wilhelm

"That's my retirement plan. I'm going to have to work until I die, so I smoke. So I don't have to work as long. That's the plan."

-Bob Hughet ( stressed out project manager )

"That's what happens when you have three kids, Scott."

-Jon Sutherland ( defending his weight )

"YOU didn't HAVE the kids, Jon!"

-Scott Hamilton ( continuing his health speech )

"You shall not put my soul on paper!"

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend Brittany objecting to the previous quotation )

"I have handles on my toilet, so now I never miss!"

-Lisa Price ( friend of Chad )

"If you're going to be in pain, you might as well be in a coma."

-Mike Armstrong

"Can you dig the penny out of her mouth?"

-Allynn Balch ( she has a 1 year old )

"How do you spell 'inteligent?'"

-Gharrett VanNoy

"Is your name Jarod, Eli?"

-Morgan Lee

"I don't need a bribe, I need money!"

-Jen 2ring

"I don't blame the duck."

-Jen 2ring

"I don't blame the duck."

-Jen 2ring

"I'm taking the trash out."

-Eli Rieck

"You couldn't find a better date?"

-Jen 2ring

"Man! Mr. Brain has gone to sleep on me."

-Pastor Dan Panter

"You don't smell like the mushroom factory. You smell more like the sewer."

-Kelli Armfield

"I don't want to dream about worms. They have no ears."

-Jen 2ring

"They're crazy, but I don't think they'd bark for no reason."

-Jen 2ring

"A bad memory's not one of my strong points."

-Jen 2ring

"Grandpa, how do you cast so far?"

-Joel Kuhlman

"I just get it out there as far as I can."

-Carroll Rieck

"Go in and flush the toilet. Give yourself some peace."

-Anne Jordan

"I'm starting to feel better, but I think it's because I'm all drugged up."

-Jen 2ring

"I had a dream that I gave you soap."

-Jen 2ring