"My own hand scared me half to death!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Startled by his hand upon waking up. )

"Like a dog who is really stinky, I will smell so bad!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Sung to the tune of 'Bridge over troubled water' )

"Old ladies don’t wear beautiful shirts."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Oddly specific criticism. )

"You’re an idiot with the mind of a genius!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( In awe of his brother )

"Cheese IS flavor"

-Theodore Sheppard ( On pizza toppings )

"Hello frog! Ready for the glorious water?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Watering the front lawn which was full of tiny frogs. )

"I don’t trust the squirrel in there. He’s wearing a black hat and a gun."

-Theodore Sheppard ( I wouldn’t trust him either. )

"Lunch is hard."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Covid Restrictions )

"Stick your head on this and smell for thirty seconds!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( I don’t want to know what’s going on in that room )

"I want to show you what every hole in this guys’ face does."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Showing off a toy for his brother. )

"The stupid way they’re teaching math is making our kids idiots!!!"

-Kristin Sheppard ( Not a fan of ‘fast tens’ )

"It’s true."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Woefully. )

"It’s popcorn! It crunches!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( After being yelled at for chewing too loudly. )

"My room has got stuff..."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Presenting a compelling argument for why his room was the best choice for a game. )

"I have defenses!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Used a bodily function to repel the affections of his mother. )

"Why do I always land on one of my body parts?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Sports are hard. )

"I smelled it from my ear!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"...that’s not possible."

-Theodore Sheppard ( After a long pause. )

"It is for me!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Worlds most useless superpower. )

"It’s when you grow a beard."

-Theodore Sheppard ( On the definition of puberty. )

"Teddy! We just got your stitches out. We don’t want to have to go and get you new ones."

-Kristin Sheppard ( Concerned with her son’s dance routine. )

"Why?"

-Theodore Sheppard

"But it’s climbing down a tree!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( On why he should be allowed to photograph a Squirrel. )

"They only come out when humans are out. And when humans aren’t out."

-Theodore Sheppard ( On monsters. )

"I’m going to change it to the color I WIN."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Laying down an 8 for the victory in Crazy 8’s. )

"You're the world's best dad. You're not the world's greatest grandma."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Laying it on thick before Christmas )

"I would just sell it to a random girl."

-Theodore Sheppard ( On ugly, pink bunny costumes. )

"Let’s play Starcraft Lucy, you can be Zerg!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( To his 4-year old sister )

"No! I want to be a horse!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"That is one of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard of"

-Theodore Sheppard ( 7-years old, learning about daylight savings time. )

"Toot"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Out The Wrong End )

"Spoon and duck rhyme"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Totally Wrong )

"But I’m scared right now!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Why?"

-Kristin Sheppard

"For no reason."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Channeling his mother )

"I hurt myself - AND YOU MADE ME!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Playing ‘nicely’ with his little sister )

"EVIL is the worst crime!!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"I can’t remember my childhood. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Age 6 )

"I wish there wasn't an eclipse. Then I would be farther in Pikmin. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Denied Video games during the Eclipse. )

"What about a ghost-dog's beard?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( What about it? )

"Do you think that AR is going to be the next big thing or a fad?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Fad"

-Theodore Sheppard

"How about Virtual Reality? Do you think that VR will be the next big thing or a fad?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Fad"

-Theodore Sheppard

"So what do you think the next big thing will be?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Fidget spinners."

-Theodore Sheppard ( After considerable thought. )

"Teddy, there are new babies born every day."

-Henry Sheppard ( On the Magic of new life )

"I wonder what their name is? [pause to ponder] Poopy McFartle?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Ok, maybe it's not so magical. )

"I can still run, and be funny. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( About a knee injury that prevented him from doing chores. )

"...if someone tells me to."

-Theodore Sheppard ( On if he wanted to become a leader someday. )

"I'm only bad a few times a day. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( On whether he was a good boy. )

"You might feel my wind!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"My favorite! Hot meat!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"It looks like it has a wall. What kinds of buildings have walls?"

-Mike Sheppard ( On a new construction project off the freeway )

"A hotel?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( The only viable option )

"I hear things that people aren't saying and I don't understand how!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Uh-oh )

"Mom, mom! I watched a scary movie at Grandma Sheppard's house and it made my brain CRAZY,"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Oh my! What was it?"

-Kristin Sheppard

"Sponge Bob SquarePants."

-Theodore Sheppard

"I'm also crazy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( To the orthodontist, when asked about himself. )

"I did not say that. My heart said that. "

-Theodore Sheppard

"Dad! Come and learn the secrets of a ninja warrior! It's very hard because you have to turn into a ball to knock down all of your enemies. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Followed by a brief, horrifying demonstration )

"Stand up on your hind legs mom!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Engaged in a fictitious battle against invisible boss monsters )

"Dad! Guess what's inside of my pants!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( It was a sticker )

"I saw her butt. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( It was a Kardashian. I'm sure he could have seen worse. )

"I wanted to say 'I love you' but I accidentally said 'fart.'"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Mom, your hair is pretty but your face is not. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Someone isn't getting any presents this Christmas. )

"We're really little, but we're strong and creepy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Playing the creepy crone game. )

"It's just burned water with stuff in it. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( On soup. )

"Hey Mom! Look at my Gazmo's!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( He created several 'Gizmos' by taping a bunch of crap together )

"We're still on earth, right?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( During the Star Tours ride at Disneyland )

"Teddy, don't do that."

-Kristin Sheppard

"But I want to!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( He's chaotic neutral. )

"But I'd pack a lunch!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Because you'd obviously get hungry while climbing a really, really, really long ladder to reach the sun. )

"It says poop robber!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( When asked what was printed on his t-shirt )

"Taco time? That's my favorite time!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"You can't see the thing under my pants!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Embarrassed by the pictures he'd drawn on his legs )

"Dad! If you're too big to fit in the car you can't go to the store to buy video games, right?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( On practical reasons for staying trim and healthy )

"Henry, draw a big poop!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Shouting out the front door to his brother drawing on the sidewalk )

"If I did, it would look like you!"

-Henry Sheppard ( #brothers )

"You're as pretty as a gumongious moon!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Wait...what kind of moon? )

"I'm too cold! This place is full of fans!!!!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( On first world problems )

"I have a super-mouth! It evolved from my regular mouth. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Been watching too much Pokemon )

"Sometimes I have the strength and sometimes I don't. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( On asking his mom to open something for him. )

"Hey Dad! This is a cup that starts with 'M'! It's a silent 'M'..."

-Theodore Sheppard ( A 4-year old practicing spelling )

"She was happiest looking at me!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Claiming that his baby sister preferred him to his brother )

"Highway--that's French for freeway."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Parlez vous francais? )

"It scared the spider in my ear!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Holding a loudly beeping toy up to his ear )

"Look Mom! Imagination!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( A 4-year old assembling a puzzle incorrectly )

"I want to hatch the egg."

-Theodore Sheppard ( He meant crack. )

"Chocolate is the Cat's Meow!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Out of the blue, with no chocolate in sight )

"I hear a song coming on. Let's dance!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( During the credits after a movie. )

"Mom, you can be the mean dragon and Lucy will be the baby princess. I'll be the knight. "

-Henry Sheppard

"Teddy, who will you be?"

-Kristin Sheppard

"I'm a T-Rex! ROAR!!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Our house could be the world if we were smaller! Our house could be the world and our car and beds would be smaller. Would that be amazing?"

-Theodore Sheppard ( A 4-year old, on life's greatest revelations )

"Say 'Chicken Lips!'"

-Dan Sheppard ( Posing his 3-year-old Grandson for a photo )

"Chicken Dicks!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Wait...what??? )

"Mom, Penguin milk is DEE-WISH-OUS!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Picture of a Penguin on the side of the milk carton )

"Ninja Cha Cha! That's a lesson for Ninjas and they have to learn it! They go like this!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( I wish you could add pictures to this thing... )

"Do you know who Abraham Lincoln is?"

-Mike Sheppard

"I saw him in the Lego movie!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( In the future there is only Lego )

"My butt is my shield!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Tends to be a minimalist when it comes to war )

"Want to see the easy way down the stairs Dad?"

-Theodore Sheppard

"What's the easy way?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Sliding on your tummy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Sounds legit )

"There are a bunch of big trees in this world."

-Theodore Sheppard ( On planet Earth. )

"Teddy, you're turning awfully pink. Are you ok?"

-Kristin Sheppard ( To a sunburn prone Toddler )

"I can be pink if I want to."

-Theodore Sheppard ( Not concerned about the sunshine )

"Mommy, I can grow boogers!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( A sick 3 year old )

"Look at the young girls, Dad!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Watching a girls softball game )

"It stinks with joy. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( It didn't. )

"I think these underpants are too small. "

-Kristin Sheppard ( To her giant, potty training toddler )

"Maybe they're for the baby. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( To his pregnant mother )

"Are you going to eat the rest of your bagel Teddy?"

-Mike Sheppard ( Genuinely curious )

"Yeah! Then I will poop on its head forever!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Not sure who 'it' is but I hope it's no one I know. )

"They never let poor Rudolph"

-Mike Sheppard ( Singing Christmas songs with his boys )

"LIKE CANASTA!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Said after every line in the song )

"Play in any reindeer games!"

-Mike Sheppard ( Gestures to Theodore )

"[Silence]"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Like Canasta?"

-Mike Sheppard

"YEAH!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Hey let's knock this over!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Why is that always the first thing that comes to mind? )

"The Apples are red!"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Are they delicious?"

-Henry Sheppard

"Yeah! But they're not real. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( Discussing some artwork )

"You're big! And you can reach the ceiling! And you can do everything on your butt!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Trying to talk his Mom into getting him a cup of water )

"Big poo-poos are the best. "

-Theodore Sheppard ( On Potty training )

"Daddy! You're so big. We love you!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( To his exercising Dad. )

"Fish to the rescue!!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Said while punching his Dad in the nards )

"Did you hear that dadda?"

-Theodore Sheppard

"Yes. Was that you?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Yeah! It can from my bottom!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Looking very proud of himself. )

"It's not a dime! It's one of the moneys dadda!!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Looked like a dime to me )

"I'm not a sea monster! I'm a good boy. "

-Theodore Sheppard

"I'm not frozen in carbonite! I'm a good boy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( In response to his older brother's chastisement. )

"Need step stool daddy!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( Dragging a step stool larger than himself behind him )

"What for?"

-Mike Sheppard

"I don't know!"

-Theodore Sheppard