"If you girls don't stop making noise, I'm going to come in there and spank you. And Ari will bite you."

-Rabbi Michael Elk ( Letting the girls know the consequences of not sleeping at bedtime. )

"If she wants to jump on me at a party, I don't care."

-Rabbi Michael Elk ( about Amanda Elk )

"Chug... chug... chug... chug!"

-Rabbi Michael Elk

"I'm gonna be pimpin', yo!"

-Rabbi Michael Elk

"Having a tube up your schlong isn't having a good time."

-Rabbi Michael Elk

"I met two Abrahams, and they knew each other."

-Amanda Core

"Did they talk poorly of each other?"

-Rabbi Michael Elk