"Holy crap! I forgot how prolific I once was on the quote board. I guess that changes when your only friends end up being your kids and the road..."
-Nathan Goff ( In a private message to Mike Sheppard concerning the quote board. )
"It's like whack-a-mole with pregnant ladies."
-Nathan Goff
"Let me wash the raw meat from my hands before I touch that. "
-Nathan Goff ( Pretending to touch that )
"For an extrovert, I sure don't get along with people."
-Nathan Goff
"Ha ha ha! My crotch!"
-Nathan Goff ( after shrapnel to the groin )
"Pride cometh before another hole in the wall."
-Nathan Goff ( while looking for the stud in the wall with a drill )
"I have TONS of roman candles and VERY little self control."
-Nathan Goff
"Open up a can of Whoopass, Nathan!"
-Scott Hamilton ( nathan was the last man standing on his team against 3 agressors )
"I'm too scared!!!"
-Nathan Goff ( he then used his canopener to devastating effect )
"...'cause I do not feel comfortable with your mom poking my groin."
-Nathan Goff
"Hey Mike; 'boobs.'"
-Nathan Goff
"Hey! Not fair!"
-Mike Rieck
"Every man's nards is your nards."
-Nathan Goff ( explaining sympathy to girls )
"Man, them balls be broken!"
-Missy Goff ( a statement that happened later, but shows her understanding of the subject )
"Sorry, Lily. Daddy was just faking alcoholism."
-Nathan Goff
"This is almost as bad as when Tim got his vasectomy reversed."
-Nathan Goff
"Yeah, that was a great night."
-Eli Rieck
"Please don't make out with my friends."
-Missy Goff
"I don't make out with them, I just make them uncomfortable."
-Nathan Goff
"I get a dollar each time I say inappropriate things?? I'M RICH!!!"
-Nathan Goff ( I think he misunderstood something... at least I hope he did. )
"Hey, how is this a bad influence? She's asleep."
-Nathan Goff ( on fatherhood )
"How freaking awesome is wearing your underwear on the outside?"
-Nathan Goff
"I prefer not to do it."
-Chad Rieck
"I can't believe you shot Scott in the neck!"
-Missy Goff
"I was aiming for his face."
-Nathan Goff ( defending himself )
"You can't get sick from a shoe, honey."
-Nathan Goff ( to Missy Goff, who just berated him for sticking his foot in Lilly Goff's mouth )
"Parenthood's slimy."
-Nathan Goff
"Everyone that goes to college either grows a goatee, a beard, or decides they're gay. I'm glad he chose the beard."
-Nathan Goff
"That's gross! It's human flesh!"
-Tim Armfield ( on those who eat placentas )
"No it's not. It's just a bag."
-Nathan Goff ( a recent father )
"Yes it is! It comes from a human! It's human flesh!"
-Tim Armfield ( refusing to give up )
"You ever eat a booger?"
-Nathan Goff ( ending the discussion )
"Beer and Killer Instinct. SWEET!"
-Nathan Goff
"World to Nathan!"
-Scott Hamilton
"...what's that?"
-Nathan Goff ( distracted by something shiny )
"Thanks for the corndogs and beer."
-Nathan Goff ( to Eli Rieck )
"Whoa, I'm having sympathy nipples."
-Nathan Goff
"I'm leaving all of the things that I'm thinking inside my head."
-Nathan Goff
"I don't want to be the lead singer! I'm eating a cookie!"
-Nathan Goff
"We need to find him a special girl. A blind one!"
-Nathan Goff ( on finding Eli a bride )
"You know, I never took Keith for a poop slinger before...."
-Nathan Goff
"Did that go down your pants?"
-Scott Hamilton
"Did it go down my pants?"
-Nathan Goff ( looking for a missing marshmallow )
"Tea is allergic to pinkies."
-Nathan Goff
"Wives are better than roommates."
-Nathan Goff
"I'm gonna slow down a little bit. I don't want to get shot by the army."
-Nathan Goff ( While driving at Fort Lewis )
"Hey Eli! See that cool car right there? Want to see me test drive it?"
-Nathan Goff
"I want to think of a clever name - as I shove my hand down my pants."
-Nathan Goff
"Why do I smell french toast? It might be the sewage."
-Nathan Goff
"Missy gets emotional when I fart."
-Nathan Goff
"We're bad staff."
-Nathan Goff ( to Eli Rieck on 4th of July at work )
"We've converted him to the dark side, dear."
-Nathan Goff ( to Missy Goff )