"I've decided we're complimentarian."

-Mike Rieck ( Feeling in charge! )

"Hahaha! That's not how it works."

-Amy Rieck ( Being egalitarian )

"I think I'd lose my wife."

-Mike Rieck ( On the possibility of growing out his skullet )

"I think that’s a horrible idea. You should try it!"

-Mike Rieck ( A teaching moment with his daughter. )

"Your face is a uterus!"

-Mike Rieck ( Didn’t pay attention in high school biology )

"I want to be a hairy Italian!"

-Mike Rieck ( On achieving his life's ambitions )

"As soon as you throw Herpes into a debate you win!"

-Mike Rieck ( Losing a debate. )

"She tears them apart and she eats the babies."

-Mike Rieck ( His dog loves playing with the rats in the backyard. )

"Does alcohol help? Rubbing alcohol! For the cleaning."

-Mike Rieck ( Dealing with children and their damaged toys. )

"I think I’m ruining my nose! I’ll leave it alone."

-Mike Rieck ( Don’t worry! It was a spare nose. )

"He’s a good lurking kid."

-Mike Rieck

"They're all mollusks...except the ones that aren't..."

-Mike Rieck

"Australia is the Walmart of nations."

-Mike Rieck

"Probably, for Amy, this was a good night for me to feel guilty."

-Mike Rieck ( Christmas shopping )

"Tell me about your poop tomorrow. "

-Mike Rieck ( His brother was eating an algae bar )

"I'm gonna go get myself some 30-06 rounds, some 16-guage rounds and some BB's."

-Mike Rieck

"For the kids?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Is there a lock-and-load level?"

-Mike Rieck ( Hopefully wondering about the terrorism warning level )

"It feels like I'm drinking a beer through my lungs!"

-Mike Rieck ( Chilling out with his brother, the beer distiller )

"They have to watch you fondle someone?"

-Mike Rieck ( About the nursing exam. )

"Yep. But it's actually a prosthetic they bought from a sex store. "

-Eli Rieck ( Clearing up the confusion )

"I would rather be pregnant for my ENTIRE life than have one period."

-Mike Rieck

"You just reminded me of something!"

-Mike Rieck

"What?"

-Mike Sheppard

"I need to flush the toilet!"

-Mike Rieck

"Why?"

-Eli Rieck

"I was on the phone."

-Mike Rieck

"It's usually not this bad, I don't have any clean underwear either."

-Mike Rieck ( in reference to thier unusually messy house )

"What sphincter does that have to do with?"

-Mike Rieck

"Wow. That looks like it was easy to pass."

-Mike Rieck ( examining an odd-shaped egg )

"What's the best beer bong beer?"

-Mike Rieck

"I'm tired even without coffee."

-Mike Rieck

"What if our farts were luminescent under black light?"

-Scott Hamilton

"That...would be...awesome!"

-Mike Rieck

"What if our farts were luminescent under black light?"

-Scott Hamilton

"That...would be...awesome!"

-Mike Rieck

"Jeannie, as their accountability partner, I'm gonna have to ask you to close your mouth until the alcohol wears off."

-Mike Rieck

"What about me Mike?"

-Danica Boe

"Great caboose."

-Mike Rieck

"Thanks!"

-Danica Boe

"In order for me to look different, I think I have to take off my pants or my shirt."

-Mike Rieck

"So, Mike, does reading the dictionary constitute pretending not to be bored?"

-Mike Rieck ( kristin was keeping herself amused in a room full of guys )

"Hey! Where's my furniture guy?"

-Scott Hamilton ( coordinating a vacuuming strategy )

"Nursing my nipple!"

-Mike Rieck ( doing the opposite of what anyone else can do )

"Cell phones are dumb. They create geeks."

-Mike Rieck

"Hey Mike; 'boobs.'"

-Nathan Goff

"Hey! Not fair!"

-Mike Rieck

"That is no longer clean and I will NOT be sodomized!"

-Mike Rieck ( it's not what you think )

"Wow, something smells really good in here."

-Jeannie McDougall

"That's the stuff on my leg."

-Mike Rieck

"That's actually not what I was referring to."

-Jeannie McDougall

"It's amazing; the power of a responsible budget."

-Mike Rieck ( being boring and doing it hardcore. )

"Sometimes it's good to be lonely."

-Mike Rieck ( with a hint of melancholy )

"Like when you poop your pants."

-Scott Hamilton ( bringing perspective )

"It's Christmas! It's not a day for sneaking up on people and doing horrible things to them. There are other days for that."

-Mike Rieck

"Boy am I leaking."

-Mike Rieck

"I think I just heard my cell phone snicker."

-Mike Rieck ( while Eli and Mike were discussing the evils of technology.. over the phone )

"It's either black and white or it's not."

-Mike Rieck

"She's kinda cute."

-Mike Rieck ( referring to the queen of clubs while playing cards in the tent )

"Too much time on the trail."

-Jim Rieck ( shaking his head )

"Eli, physical comedy is going to kill you."

-Mike Rieck

"Slugs are like Costco escargot."

-Mike Rieck ( during the hike, rationalizing his cravings )

"I tried to pucker past the hair."

-Mike Rieck ( unshaven, trying not to be prickly to mom when kissing her goodnight )

"He doesn't believe in logic, which, from an illogical perspective, makes total sense."

-Mike Rieck ( talking about a post-modernist guy joking about paint )

"You look like a babe from the back at 20 yards."

-Mike Rieck ( to Eli )

"Always snicker when you lie."

-Mike Rieck ( on morality )

"Is that a dog?"

-Mike Rieck

"No, that's Mike Sheppard quacking along with lounge music."

-Eli Rieck

"I had more to say."

-Mike Rieck ( reaffirming one of the certainties of existence )

"I'm surrounded by theological simpletons!"

-Mike Rieck

"Most mammals have retractable wangs."

-Mike Rieck

"I do like the switchblade idea...."

-Mike Rieck ( later )

"I just got a lecture from my boss about looking professional, and he handed me these tee shirts."

-Mike Rieck

"Most mammals have retractable wangs."

-Mike Rieck

"I do like the switchblade idea...."

-Mike Rieck ( later )

"I just got a lecture from my boss about looking professional, and he handed me these tee shirts."

-Mike Rieck

"OOH! There's a banana in my freezer!"

-Mike Rieck

"Well, the depression's over."

-Scott Hamilton

"If you wanna date me, you gotta wear a mask."

-Mike Rieck

"Some people like the challenge of eating them alive."

-Mike Rieck ( on octopi )

"I am not awake enough to chastise you."

-Mike Rieck

"Baptism is better than circumcision."

-Mike Rieck

"Everyone over here is so responsible. It ticks me off."

-Mike Rieck

"I've frozen critters before, to see if they die."

-Mike Rieck ( in a half whisper )

"(Eli says something rather graphic about what Aztecs must do to their genitals in order to become a priest, edited for more sensitive viewers.)"

-Eli Rieck

"I'm glad Christianity doesn't require the same thing. "

-Mike Rieck

"Oh no, it's the Nuclear Punji Sticks!"

-Mike Rieck

"Are mice red or white meat?"

-Mike Rieck

"Numbers are like love. There are plenty to go around."

-Mike Rieck