"Just because your nose can fit in that it doesn’t mean you should put it there."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Smells like a Proverb )

"Can I have a glass of milk?"

-Lucy Sheppard

"It’s MAY I have a glass of milk."

-Henry Sheppard ( Brothers are helpful. )

"May I have a glass of YOUR FACE!!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( No )

"Man, there’s a lot of things that have been done to my pants today."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Having a rough Thursday )

"So…the King and the Queen wanted children, right? And when they finally got one they named her ROSAMOND???"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Couldn’t stop laughing at the original Grimm Brothers Sleeping Beauty )

"I don't want to go with you."

-Teddy Sheppard ( Not wanting to take along his little sister )

"Well, I want to go with me."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Who can argue with that? )

"I’ll pay for the free one."

-Lucy Sheppard ( She’s a big spender. )

"Lay eggs."

-Henry Sheppard ( Offering his sister advice on how to play the game Wingspan. )

"(After a look of extreme concentration and mild grunting noises) I don’t think I can."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Is not a bird. )

"I need to sleep!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Stayed up too late )

"That’s why we’re going to bed."

-Kristin Sheppard

"Mom, what do you want for Christmas?"

-Teddy Sheppard ( Never too early to start your planning. )

"She wants a sink in the laundry room!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( She’s not wrong. )

"They make me look like a child."

-Lucy Sheppard ( 8 years old, On why she doesn’t like barrettes in her hair. )

"THOSE JUDGES ARE MONSTERS!!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Upset that her favorite contestant was cut from a cooking show. )

"So, when I’m a parent I’ll just have other random parents’ phone numbers in my phone?"

-Henry Sheppard ( Going through the contact list on his mom’s phone. )

"No, they’ll be on your wife’s phone."

-Lucy Sheppard

"You’re done son!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Shouting at the loser of a game show. )

"“How did you lose your arm?” “In the line of duty.”"

-Anonymous ( Watching ‘The Fugitive’ )

"He he he….duty…."

-Lucy Sheppard

"I’m not whining. I’m just expressing my thoughts."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Sounded like whining to me. )

"But the blobs are singing “Hallelujah.”"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On why her mother needed to come upstairs. It worked. )

"Why is Ariel so dumb?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Do not trust a sea witch. )

"So, what’s your favorite form of matter?"

-Mike Sheppard ( His daughter is learning about matter in science class )

"Well…I just made gas…"

-Lucy Sheppard ( True, but not helpful )

"Is that a FISH? IN SPACE? Why are they doing this? It must be scared!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Concerning Captain Picard’s fish )

"I just say what comes out of my mouth."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Yeah she does )

"Start with the beak."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Advice on how to shove a chicken up your nose. )

"Mom, how many cuss words do you need to say to go to hell?"

-Lucy Sheppard

"What about “Lavatory?”"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On an alternate name for a baby named Toilet )

"Dad! Do you want to see me use my butt?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Chasing a falling balloon around the room with her backside. )

"Ohm….ohm….ohm…."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Appeared to be meditating )

"Lucy, what are you doing?"

-Kristin Sheppard

"I’m trying to fly!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( What has she been watching???? )

"Some women dance around in their bra for money."

-Lucy Sheppard ( It is not what you think. It was an ad for comfortable and ugly undergarments. )

"Have one! And it will act like a dog! And it will eat your pillows!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Predicting what her brother’s future child may be like. )

"I’m young - I NEED SUGAR!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( With a wild expression in her eyes. )

"It feels like I’m not wearing shorts!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( 112 degrees in beautiful Las Vegas. )

"Hold it. And don’t panic."

-Lucy Sheppard ( To her brother who needed a restroom. )

"…And that’s how I learned what Llama’s Legs Look like."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Concluding an unbelievable tale too long to relate here. )

"What is that?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Observing a strange, plastic wrapped bundle at the end of a neighbor’s driveway )

"It’s a newspaper."

-Kristin Sheppard ( On ancient relics of the past. )

"Turtles can’t be Ninjas, they can only be tiny artists!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( An expert on such matters )

"I think we’d actually get scurvy."

-Lucy Sheppard ( If we ate hot dogs for every meal. )

"One cat said to another cat, “Do you want to build a Snowman?” The other cat said, “No.”"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Making up jokes is hard. )

"I might think of those things, when I’m done CRYING!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( After receiving helpful suggestions on things to think about to help cheer up )

"No one is allowed in my room with [only] underwear on!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Objected to her brother's outfit )

"Go put some socks on Teddy!"

-Henry Sheppard ( Future Lawyer for the Libertarian Party. )

"Lucy! Come over here so you can do my chore for me!"

-Henry Sheppard ( Not a fan of taking out the recycling. )

"No!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( The only right answer. )

"But my chore is testing out candy!"

-Henry Sheppard ( Resorting to falsehood like a scoundrel )

"Is that true mom?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Don’t fall for it! )

"Don’t do that Lucy. You will blind yourself. TO DEATH!"

-Mike Sheppard

"Only in one eye!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( True but stupid. )

"Did you put salt on the eggs? I don’t like salt on the eggs."

-Lucy Sheppard ( There was salt on the eggs. )

"But Lucy, you ate the whole egg!"

-Kristin Sheppard

"That’s because it tasted good!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"Name it Gerald."

-Lucy Sheppard ( On what she would do with a pet cactus. )

"It looks like cat throw-up with yellow food coloring in it."

-Lucy Sheppard ( On crystallized Honey. )

"Daddy? Who was the last cannibal to be alive?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( A five-year-old explores life’s biggest questions )

"What if I don’t have a shotgun or a sword?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Clarifying when to fight bad guys )

"You don’t have four arms..."

-Lucy Sheppard ( To her father who was complaining about sore forearms. )

"I smelled it from my ear!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"...that’s not possible."

-Theodore Sheppard ( After a long pause. )

"It is for me!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Worlds most useless superpower. )

"I just want to eat it forever!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Concerning her mother’s home made blueberry pie. )

"It’s like flying ice weasels that are tiny and white!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On the snow )

"A chicken eating a moose?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On the funniest thing she had ever heard of. )

"Mom, I’m five and one nickel."

-Lucy Sheppard ( She’s really five and a quarter. )

"Does Henry have puberty?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Her brother had a cough. )

"If this melts all over the floor I want to be called Jasmine!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( About a giant ice cube. )

"Some airlines make ‘Dad Shut Up’ buttons."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Not amused by her father’s latest joke on the flight home. )

"Why didn't you bring your gun Dad? I want to eat a bear."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Sightseeing in Alaska )

"My farts can distract the robbers."

-Lucy Sheppard ( The latest technology in home security. )

"Mom, you’re the bee’s knees."

-Lucy Sheppard

"Teddy’s the chicken sneeze."

-Henry Sheppard

"Do you know how much I hate that?"

-Kristin Sheppard ( Her daughter was begging for something. )

"Seventeen percent?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( More like 100%. )

"I can talk with my teeth closed."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Mumbled from the back seat )

"No one cares."

-Teddy Sheppard ( Brotherly compassion )

"LUCY TAX!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( While stealing a bite of her Mother’s hot fudge Sunday )

"Unless they were wild hormanians or something."

-Lucy Sheppard ( When it’s OK to eat a cat. )

"Mom, you’re hair is turning white. You’re getting old. Are you going to be the first one to die in our family?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Cheery contemplations while out on a walk )

"He just wants to be pet but no one pets him."

-Lucy Sheppard ( About the big scary dog in ‘The Sandlot’ )

"Oh my Gosh! Yumm!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Response when meeting a giant turkey at the farm )

"Why do I have a weird dad?"

-Lucy Sheppard

"What about the Chicken commandment? Always love one another’s Chickens!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Gets her theology from the barnyard. )

"I was just pretending I was drowning!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On why she splashed all the water out of the bathtub onto the floor )

"Maybe Teddy is the Christmas skunk?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( He does have a unique odor. )

"Let’s play Starcraft Lucy, you can be Zerg!"

-Theodore Sheppard ( To his 4-year old sister )

"No! I want to be a horse!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"Hey fire! Stop burning yourself!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Shouting at the fireplace. )

"Hey! My footprints are following me!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Walking backwards on the beach. )

"THOSE ARE COWS! Oh yeah...they’re horses."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Arguing with her brothers about roadside animals. )

"Look at me! I’m doing my butt show!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( It was NOT lady like )

"Anybody's taller than anything small!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On why people are taller than cats )

"Milk is the secret ingredient for little girls."

-Lucy Sheppard ( Wants milk, not water with dinner )

"You can be our friend Zombie, OK? Because you're civilized."

-Lucy Sheppard ( To her father )

"That’s a creepy dog"

-Lucy Sheppard ( About a baboon in a movie )

"I guess Teddy’s going to sleep outside with the rampaging jackalopes"

-Mike Sheppard ( Worried about his son who was locked outside. )

"Oh no! We have to save him from the jackalopes!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Worried for her brother )

"I’m going to take you home, hold you upside down and put you in the toilet."

-Mike Sheppard ( To his filthy daughter who needed a bath )

"Then you wouldn’t have me anymore!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Only if we flushed... )

"Lucy, quit picking your nose!"

-Kristin Sheppard ( To her 4-year old )

"But I’m trying to get boogers!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( At least she’s doing I’m in her car like a real American! )

"I was the first one in the car not the invisible guys. They were behind me."

-Lucy Sheppard ( How would she know? )

"Tomorrow? That’s in a couple days!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"Daddy, do you remember what dinosaurs look like?"

-Lucy Sheppard

"I’m not that old Honey."

-Mike Sheppard

"Were you afraid of them when you were a little boy?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Not taking a hint. )

"Smell my face!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Claiming she was filthy and needed a bath )

"Is that puke?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On Cat food )

"Daddy needs to eat lunch. He can't survive on love alone."

-Mike Sheppard ( Detaching himself from his daughter who was in a hugging mood. )

"Everyone dies Dad."

-Lucy Sheppard

"Something smells bad."

-Lucy Sheppard

"It's probably my lotion."

-Kristin Sheppard

"No - it's my Toot!"

-Lucy Sheppard

"Are they called rain glasses now?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( About her Mommy’s rain drop covered sunglasses. )

"Where are they going?"

-Mike Sheppard

"I don’t know. To the future?"

-Lucy Sheppard ( While watching a movie. )

"Please don’t tell me she’s at the Beaver’s house!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On the whereabouts of her mother. Still traumatized by the OSU mascot. )

"Maybe he dropped it out my window and a deer ate it. Haha!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On what happened to her brother’s lost stylus. )

"No don’t let him be my friend I’m scared of him!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( On the OSU mascot )

"That’s not amazing. "

-Lucy Sheppard ( About living, walking jump ropes. )

"What’s Amazing?"

-Mike Sheppard

"THESE COOL MOVES!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( Begins dancing / Kung fu fighting )

"I have doctor powers! I can touch people and make them doctors!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( She should charge for that. )

"What are you doing?"

-Kristin Sheppard ( To her three-year-old daughter who was sitting in a bathtub with a strange expression on her face. )

"Im agonizing. "

-Lucy Sheppard

"You're not old! Grandma and Grandpa are old!"

-Lucy Sheppard ( About her rapidly aging father )

"Teddy, who would win: a Viking or a ninja?"

-Mike Sheppard

"Me!!!"

-Lucy Sheppard