"I was always confused back in the day."

-Joshua Hudson ( Oh how the times have changed. )

"Be the heterosexual male in the ballet class!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Inspirational Speech )

"Turn around sexy knickers and kill your dad!!"

-Joshua Hudson

"That’s like marriage."

-Joshua Hudson ( On playing God of War. )

"I just don’t feel comfortable kissing my wife when you are out there."

-Joshua Hudson ( Complimenting his staff. )

"Some non-English speaker shows up and hands me food and my first impulse is to eat it."

-Joshua Hudson ( On the convenience of Uber Eats. )

"I am naked right now... Wait, where is HR??"

-Joshua Hudson ( Office quote )

"I’m what the industry calls a ‘big guy’."

-Joshua Hudson ( What industry is that? )

"My son has one thing going for him. He seems to be abnormally lucky."

-Joshua Hudson ( On his son’s video game skills. )

"Is that your face or was it the camera?"

-Joshua Hudson ( Managing at its finest. )

"I’m going to go to the Alps and be a Tiger!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Longing for the simple life of an apex predator )

"This is my new job. I send emails and I highlight things in bold."

-Joshua Hudson ( That’s why we pay him the big bucks. )

"I’m gonna sell crepe dealies and sham-wows!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On his future online marketplace. )

"Quit lifting weights. We have to go to a bro-meeting!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Office Exercise Programs )

"I can only understand one thing about cheese at a time."

-Joshua Hudson ( He’s a simpleton )

"We have to laugh or we’ll cry."

-Joshua Hudson ( On his future employment prospects. )

"You’re getting the Motel 6 experience but you’re paying for La Quinta!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On the cost of staying in Prison )

"Customer has a request. We gotta shut that down!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Customer service at its finest )

"I have faith because I’m an idiot."

-Joshua Hudson ( On the future of Star Wars movies )

"Well I’m claiming you’re ignorant!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Attributing ignorance where none exists )

"I’ve been married for 16 years so I don’t have many opportunities to be right."

-Joshua Hudson

"That’s how you can tell he’s a good lawyer. Because he litigated and got his soul back from the devil."

-Joshua Hudson

"I sat in my chair today. And then stood up and embarrassed an 85 year old man."

-Joshua Hudson ( In that order )

"If you want to pay me money I’ll say that you’re my mother."

-Joshua Hudson ( Looking for ways to fund his new iPhone )

"War sucks. It really changes the rules of cannibalism."

-Joshua Hudson ( On eating his foes )

"My friendship can be bought. I’m not proud."

-Joshua Hudson

"That’s a heck of a performance art!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On Spontaneously Generating Yourself )

"I’m going to do a little light fraud, you just have to agree."

-Joshua Hudson ( On medical billing )

"Rage is the constant state of being. We start with rage and we move to love."

-Joshua Hudson ( Philosopher for a New Age )

"Normally I’d come with my totally real daughter but she’s not here today."

-Joshua Hudson ( An excuse for watching the Twilight movies alone in a theatre with a bunch of teenagers. )

"In this day and age, you can't smell the trainer, what are you doing?"

-Joshua Hudson ( Gym Ettiquette )

"Every chicken has a mango. "

-Joshua Hudson ( On fruit in Hawaii )

"I will be watching Men's Tiddlywinks on Bravo. "

-Joshua Hudson ( On the Summer Olympics )

"When I was a kid we failed, and we liked it!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Kids these days. )

"That's when I got excited because I knew the donkeys ass was coming. "

-Joshua Hudson

"I cannot live in a world where Steve, Mike, and that one woman who sleeps in my bed are ahead of me in Starcraft."

-Joshua Hudson ( It's a geek-eat-geek world )

"At least that one I can kind of understand because you're looking at pictures of Cheetos, but on Facebook you're talking to people about Cheetos."

-Joshua Hudson ( On the Cheetos social media strategy )

"Generally you don't label your pickle containers with 'Open outdoors'."

-Joshua Hudson ( Tips on labeling homemade pickles )

"Listen kid. Someday you will grow up, lose most of your hair, and get to talk to your future wife during dinner about how your child was pooping at the playground. Something to look forward to."

-Joshua Hudson ( Giving his 7 year old life advice )

"I am NOT putting up a baby gate for my vaccuum! "

-Joshua Hudson ( Arguing about Roombas and Stairs )

"I mean, I have enough money but I value my marriage."

-Joshua Hudson ( On future technology purchases )

"It's ok to hit on my wife, not me!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( To creepy Steve )

"I have so many dongles."

-Joshua Hudson ( On first world problems )

"You live in the Milky Way Galaxy."

-Joshua Hudson ( Talking science with the boys )

"No I don't! I live in Mommy's House."

-Zac Hudson ( Truth )

"I'm going July 5th, which is after the 4th."

-Joshua Hudson ( The 4th of what? )

"Blacksmiths were the pool boys of the Middle Ages. "

-Joshua Hudson ( There was some hammering that happened )

"My wife won't let me go to work without pants. I've asked. "

-Joshua Hudson ( On who has the bossier spouse )

"Just once I want a Mormon to come up to me and punch me in the face. "

-Joshua Hudson

"Buddy you have had at least 30 shots and have been fine."

-Joshua Hudson ( Convincing his son his flu shot will be ok )

"I know! But I really don't want to get number 31."

-Gabe Hudson ( Math As A Defense )

"Be careful, you don't want to shave the wrong area."

-Joshua Hudson ( To his boss )

"Or the wrong thing!"

-Bill Reynolds

"If your company is run by the original vampire Cain then you're going to come out with some strange RPGs."

-Joshua Hudson

"FACT"

-Brian Blood

"I'll tell you what, that dude screams real pretty."

-Joshua Hudson ( At a soundgarden concert )

"I've never truly found a good game mate for those long winter nights."

-Joshua Hudson ( In response to a quote from a five-year-old. )

"So...I learned something very valuable. DO NOT fill up your two year old with Swedish fish because they will come up in the middle of the night."

-Joshua Hudson

"Then we realized we were in the wilderness surrounded by things that were probably GMO'ed by Jesus himself."

-Joshua Hudson ( On the realization that GMO crops have been around for awhile. )

"That last mass suicide in Arizona was actually a potluck."

-Joshua Hudson ( On modern food allergies and the death of the potluck )

"It was like a walk of shame, but they had Baked Lays!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Shopping at Walmart at 6 am.. )

"I'll let you hold something that's approximately eight inches."

-Joshua Hudson ( Discussing tablets )

"I will never shove my cleavage in Bill's face."

-Joshua Hudson ( To his boss )

"I'm showing an empty button hole."

-Joshua Hudson ( On office attire. )

"It's slightly less creepy except that it's at crotch level..."

-Joshua Hudson ( On his colleague's Mirror contraption. )

"I should go to Europe. Maybe that's where I'll wake up hairy."

-Joshua Hudson ( On growing a beard. )

"Your aunt is also a dude!"

-Joshua Hudson

"I like women more and more every time I talk to him!!!!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Your eyes are like roses. Sometimes stinky, and pokey!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( He has the soul of a poet )

"There's balls everywhere in my vision! This is really hard. "

-Joshua Hudson ( On juggling )

"In my heart of hearts I am a Microsoft fanboy."

-Joshua Hudson ( Showing his true colors. )

"You'd be really surprised how hard it is to NOT date your cousin..."

-Joshua Hudson ( On growing up in a small community )

"Every time I go to Virginia Mason they take my pants!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On modern medicine. )

"Well, my lips are chapped, but my face feels fantastic!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Mistook his wife's lip scrub for face wash in the shower )

"I probably bought a dishwasher from your mom! Is she a heavier set man?"

-Joshua Hudson ( After finding out a coworkers Mom works at Lowe's. )

"Did you remember to coat your body with superglue in all the parts they weren't supposed to touch?"

-Mike Sheppard ( On Josh's recent medical procedure )

"Is it a bad time to tell you where the rubber glove is hanging from?"

-Joshua Hudson

"I woke my kids up! It's Christmas damn it!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Don't ever go to a party where they like to role play."

-Joshua Hudson ( On dressing up like a woman and attending a drama department party in college. )

"Quick, hide the porn!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Using a co-workers iPhone 5 )

"No, it's ok, I have unlimited data."

-Somesh B. ( .... )

"Now I don't feel safe taking my pants of anywhere in this building."

-Joshua Hudson ( On hidden cameras )

"You're a capitalist which is almost as bad as a Sith!!!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Kids. Can't live with them, can't sell them."

-Mike Sheppard

"Especially in Washington! Human trafficking laws just got MUCH worse."

-Joshua Hudson

"Nice balls! They do all change color, just hard to get a picture of them"

-Joshua Hudson ( An unsolicited text message )

"I got perfect ending - she's nude!!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Heavy Rain )

"Mark, I need your laptop and ten minutes to myself!"

-Mike Sheppard

"Sounds like me and the cup!"

-Joshua Hudson ( ... )

"You want any other bodily fluids? You took it, you took it, you took it!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Flailing wildly and gesticulating at various body parts )

"Buddy, someday you will grow up and quit putting stuffed whales down your pants and then you will do great things!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Fatherly Advice.. )

"Don't worry Zac. You still have plenty of years left to stuff whales down your pants.."

-Joshua Hudson ( Giving his youngest hope.. )

"I had to explain this to [Suneetha], there are three levels of friends. Acquantainces, Friends and Walking Buddies."

-Joshua Hudson ( On Friendship )

"Where's your wife?"

-Mike Sheppard

"....Friend!"

-Joshua Hudson ( After quite a bit of thought )

"Becoming a Zombie takes faith. It's like religion. If you have faith that someone will tell you when you've become a Zombie then you don't need to be afraid anymore."

-Joshua Hudson

"Good news! I talked to a naked bridge guy in the locker room downstairs..."

-Joshua Hudson ( and that's where he stopped talking... )

"Right now I'm saying 'Hi' to Mike because it says 'Hi' on my bowl right here!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Gesturing to the imaginary upsidedown bowl on his head )

"200 is the perfect stabbing amount!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Glad someone is doing the math )

"He drives a car like he draws a kidney!"

-Joshua Hudson

"That's my favorite thing that has ever happened to you!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On a random pair of shoes showing up on a co-workers doorstop )

"Hey Gabe, do you like those candy hearts?"

-Joshua Hudson

"They taste like chalk!"

-Gabe Hudson

"Wait. How do you know what chalk tastes like?"

-Joshua Hudson ( Some things are probably best left unasked )

"We all have a weakness, somewhere where we go across. With some guys it's pink nail polish and tutus. For me it's musicals."

-Joshua Hudson

"I told my wife I thought she was you!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On a recent visit to Las Vegas )

"Ladies, this is what you watch out for. Some are more dangerous than others!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On the only diagram that was in the Women's studies textbook )

"Retraining Siri is much easier than polygamy"

-Joshua Hudson ( 6 husbands are too much )

"Godzilla is cold blooded and would probably like some tropical weather!"

-Joshua Hudson ( In reference to boiling the ocean and Tess saying Godzilla would be angry. )

"This song makes me want to carry a half zergling woman across the battlefield. Granted, I would probably feel that with these other songs too. "

-Joshua Hudson ( Still on his Blizzcon high )

"Well he has inherited Josh's ability to take anything and turn it into a toy."

-Olivia Hudson ( Explaining her son's behavior )

"That's why I got married!"

-Joshua Hudson ( The truth.. )

"Buddy, do you need to go potty? Because if you go in the pool the water turns blue."

-Joshua Hudson ( Public Pool Common Knowledge )

"It's turning blue! "

-Gabe Hudson ( Getting carried from pool. )

"That is the difference. I can not afford the things I would get for free. Well except tacos, I could afford a taco, but not an infinite amount of tacos."

-Joshua Hudson ( On not being a celebrity )

"Can I at least make it through game night first? We have to beat Todd!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Asking for a temporary postponement of his second son's birth )

"Yes, but I would totally pay to spend the night at the Lucas ranch because that place is awesome!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Agreeing that Lucas is a weirdo )

"After buying the ring I couldn't afford pants, which made the engagement a lot more interesting!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On proposing to his wife )

"50 cents is nothing!! I can find more than that on the street!!!"

-Mike Sheppard

"That's funny, because I lose more than that on the street. Can I have my money back?"

-Joshua Hudson

"...or you'll end up with an Ark, a baby and a hanging doll!"

-Joshua Hudson

"and some guy yelling night rock!!!"

-Bill Reynolds

"I am not currently naked."

-Joshua Hudson ( Proving he is not a member of the Drama department )

"I'm not gonna lie. I found a cream and now my knees are cold."

-Joshua Hudson ( Greeting his boss on a Wednesday morning )

"I want to go watch Jurassic Park and then finish Game of Thrones, because that dream would be AWESOME!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Science Fiction Bliss )

"He's not as fun to look at as Stumpy."

-Joshua Hudson

"I would be slaughtered."

-Joshua Hudson ( Stating what would happen if he bought a new gaming keyboard )

"I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but if you buy one I'll buy one."

-Mike Sheppard ( Practicing his skills at being a bad influence )

"Mutually assured destruction!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Still undecided )

"There is an absence or an presence.... A dark presence...."

-Mike Sheppard ( On determining gender through Ultrasounds )

"That's what I call it!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Didn't understand the "presence" )

"Inside the pig bacon is crispy"

-Joshua Hudson ( It's his birthday so we won't argue )

"See? Every husband is a hobo."

-Joshua Hudson ( On giving up all your worldly posessions )

"..because then you won't have to have a book called 'Dark Lover' on your desk."

-Joshua Hudson ( On why he's looking forward to electronic book sharing )

"My watermelon juice has spilled. It got on my Alien!!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On a personal problem. )

"In homicide, everyone is naked."

-Joshua Hudson ( They know how to party. )

"I've done a lot of good things with that stump."

-Joshua Hudson ( Reminiscing on lost loves )

"This side of the hallway is a desolate wasteland of barren hopes and dreams...."

-Joshua Hudson ( On having two children )

"That's one of those things you wish you could have back."

-Joshua Hudson ( Was not paying attention to the words coming out of his mouth )

"How do you think that makes me feel. I used to be the only teenage girl in that house."

-Joshua Hudson ( His wife is now watching Glee. )

"You could change your Facebook language or chop your leg off!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Talk like a pirate day is coming soon... )

"Never underestimate the power of a monkey!"

-Joshua Hudson ( good advice )

"I can't tell the difference between a 60 watt light bulb and a 40 watt."

-Olivia Hudson ( Commenting on light bulb light output )

"About 20 watts?"

-Joshua Hudson ( Trying to be helpful.. )

"Why is it so hard? It's just a water bladder. "

-Joshua Hudson

"In my last meeting I said I wanted to release "one big package'. Which was OK, until I giggled. I shouldn't of giggled."

-Joshua Hudson ( He really shouldn't have giggled. )

"After watching you for the last nine months I have no hope if this happens again."

-Joshua Hudson ( On the prospect of having more children. )

"I mean come on, I have a gryphon in my pants! "

-Joshua Hudson ( He just want's to fly anywhere. )

"You know what I do in situations like that? I sit her in front of the computer and pull up Lolcats. It keeps her busy for hours!"

-Joshua Hudson ( How he keeps his wife from freaking out )

"Last time I called my wife psychotic I was in trouble for months!"

-Joshua Hudson

"I don't know if I'm the best guy to judge other guys but..."

-Joshua Hudson ( About to judge other guys. )

"Go big or go home, that's what they always say.."

-Joshua Hudson

"Ya, if you are in Wisconsin looking for a wife!"

-Olivia Hudson

"We are going to lock ourselves in a room and code for the entire day, it will be just like work!"

-Joshua Hudson ( CODEapalooza )

"Define 'love' because I don't think your heart can actually show it."

-Joshua Hudson ( Mocking a colleague )

"Google voice is out! You can now make calls from your.... phone."

-Mike Sheppard ( Excited! )

"You can also text from your phone!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Whoa! There's a cheeseburger down here!"

-Joshua Hudson ( While hunting under his desk for his wedding ring )

"The old people have the stuff I do not like!"

-Suneetha B. ( ?? )

"Yea. Old people lose their ability to lose the stuff."

-Joshua Hudson

"You can't make promises and then not do the donkey dance. "

-Joshua Hudson

"You can't play the game and not do the donkey. "

-Suneetha B. ( In agreement. )

"I can't actually calibrate in front of my wife."

-Joshua Hudson ( Glowing Ball Challanges )

"You're showing me up with all your fancy knowledge."

-Mike Sheppard ( Not happy with his subordinate )

"You're right!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Nova has Psychopathic abilities!"

-Aaron Hutchinson

"So does my wife!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Oooh...burn... )

"I'm not married to Nova, but I'd like to be!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Because crazy people are HOT!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Why Friday the 13th #5 is the best! )

"I'm not in the mood to hear whistling!"

-Olivia Hudson

"Maybe you should try whistling!"

-Joshua Hudson ( It may help cheer her up! )

"I'm not touching your burrito, man."

-Joshua Hudson

"Last time I made a rash decision I ended up getting married!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On life changing decisions )

"Suneetha is going to put a request in for hand-sanitizer, a mannequin and a chain. It's best not to ask."

-Joshua Hudson ( Don't ask. )

"At least it wasn't porn."

-Joshua Hudson ( Responding to Mike's surprise at what he found in his bag. )

"Last nights "two buck chuck" is now worth a buck and a quarter!"

-Joshua Hudson ( It is lightly used! )

"I do love fish balls..."

-Joshua Hudson ( Overheard telephone conversation )

"You can't be embarrassed after you procreate!"

-Joshua Hudson ( If the act doesn't cure you the kids will! )

"You were a good host and a lot of fun but it is time to say goodbye! I'm all sausaged out!"

-Joshua Hudson ( To Leavenworth, upon departure )

"He was doing things I didn't do until college!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On his son's ultrasound )

"Who's that dude?"

-Shaya Noorassa

"That's my wife!!!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( To be fair, she was wearing a hat )

"Hey, that is less than I pay, and he has more hair!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Kid haircuts are cheap! )

"My kid was running around downtown half naked. I haven't even done that yet!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Two year olds are so lucky! )

"Operation shiny lovins now takes place a day early!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Realizing pay day is one day early so he gets to order his new iPhones one day earlier )

"You want my golden blood!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Afflicted with O- )

"And that's why my wife calls me a little pre-teen girl!"

-Joshua Hudson ( The downside of enjoying the TV show 'Glee' )

"Those first few years were a little iffy but after that - Nailed it!"

-Joshua Hudson ( On using the restroom )

"I'm pretty sure that I was a Griffon in my previous life, and [my supervisor]'s discriminating against me!"

-Joshua Hudson ( An imaginary conversation with Human Resources )

"I don't know what just happened, but I kinda like it!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Something happened... )

"I've got this unusual..."

-Mike Sheppard ( Things not to say in the 'Reason for Sick Leave' box )

"There's this burning sensation..."

-Joshua Hudson ( Helping out )

"It's green and I don't know why..."

-Mike Sheppard

"My doctor says I shouldn't have played with it!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Going one step too far )

"Man, your hardware is so good."

-Mike Sheppard ( To Mr. Hutchinson )

"I wish I had your hardware."

-Joshua Hudson ( Jealous of the Droid )

"I just said smaller package. He he he."

-Joshua Hudson

"They're going to pull the 'Mommy' card? That's ridiculous!!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Yeah, he went there. )

"I need to go pick my pumpkins"

-Joshua Hudson ( Playing We Rule )

"If you tell me that one more time, i'm going to pick your pumpkins for you!"

-Olivia Hudson ( Josh picked his pumpkins a lot this weekend )

"I had to find something less addicting than World of Warcraft, so I took up crack cocaine!"

-Joshua Hudson

"They have hookers on that thing."

-Joshua Hudson ( Explaining why you shouldn't buy bikes on craigslist. )

"Not any more!"

-Aaron Hutchinson ( Reassuring that it is OK now. )

"Droid DOES hot dogs!"

-Joshua Hudson

"It's an island of land."

-Joshua Hudson ( Explaining Olympia )

"It's over. We are going to have to put our own crap on a window."

-Joshua Hudson ( Love ruins all. )

"We can fix that. We can't fix stupid."

-Joshua Hudson ( Programming can't solve everything. )

"It was embarrassing and I never want to talk about it."

-Joshua Hudson ( Don't ask )

"I need to find a homeless man quick!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Car pushing delegation at it's finest )

"I am not turning into a woman anytime soon."

-Joshua Hudson ( These steriods are not same as those steriods. )

"Little kids love meat stores."

-Joshua Hudson ( No not that kind of meat! )

"I don't listen to the voices. "

-Joshua Hudson ( 13 year olds call him names )

"Your phone ding ding's a lot!"

-Joshua Hudson

"You leave my ding ding out of this!"

-Leif Abbott ( Warning Mr. Hudson. )

"I did NOT know what I was getting into when I got married."

-Joshua Hudson ( Explaining his feelings to his wife )

"Well I did have to go in front of the Microsoft building and dance naked..."

-Joshua Hudson ( Explaining why his application now works )

"That pick up line never works. Women don't like you talking about their Pancreas!"

-Joshua Hudson ( F = ma )

"What came first the taco or the Spaniards?"

-Joshua Hudson ( One of life's many questions. )

"You're good at that now. Just do a dump!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Offering helpful advice )

"I was doin' squats on the ball!"

-Joshua Hudson ( Bragging )

"Developers here rarely keep their privates private."

-Joshua Hudson ( complaining to his supervisor )

"Kim Chen, there is no good way to say this. I have something for you to smell."

-Joshua Hudson ( making the best of a bad situation )

"This right here is Vanilla, you should smell it!"

-Joshua Hudson

"It's so going to happen!"

-Joshua Hudson ( telling Mike about "It )

"You're going to get glasses?"

-Mike Sheppard

"No!"

-Joshua Hudson

"Wait... what's "It"?"

-Mike Sheppard ( still confused about "It )

"And so she of course drank and smoked crack."

-Joshua Hudson ( on what his wife did to get through pregnancy )

"I WAS in college..."

-Joshua Hudson ( on why he had to go back to his dorm for pants )

"You have every type of evil!"

-Joshua Hudson

"I'm going to go back to my desk, sit down, and then I'll smell the gas."

-Joshua Hudson

"She's going to have a formal pit. Right next to the informal pit."

-Joshua Hudson ( on appropriate culprit storage locations )

"I've always kind of worried about becoming a Zombie and nobody telling me."

-Joshua Hudson

"He does weird things. I will never understand that small man."

-Joshua Hudson ( on the enigma that is Kim Chen )

"I love the 'What did you shave' game."

-Mike Sheppard

"It SERIOUSLY got me into trouble at college."

-Joshua Hudson ( agreeing with Mike )

"I'm telling you, you're more screwed than you believe!"

-Joshua Hudson