"I often wanna be a mermaid"
-Evangeline Rand
"What if you had a chess set, but the pieces are made of midgets?"
-Evangeline Rand
"You have Indian breath."
-Colby Robinson
"That's the pot callin' the kettle black."
-Danica Boe
"Does that mean I have viking breath?"
-Evangeline Rand
"You have Swedish breath...viking breath could not be good."
-Colby Robinson
"If I were a guy, I could date you."
-Evangeline Rand ( to Danica )
"[Later...] Would I be your type?"
-Evangeline Rand
"Please don't kiss me!!!"
-Evangeline Rand ( to Scott as he was holding her face in his hands to get her full attention during a heated game of Settlers )
"I'd wrap you in saran wrap and put you in Scott's tub."
-Evangeline Rand ( to Danica... I don't know why )
"So, she's more poo than cocka?"
-Evangeline Rand ( asking Eileen Foreman about her cockapoo named Ginger )
"Hey look--it's Wallet and Gromice!"
-Evangeline Rand
"You mean Wallace and Gromit??"
-Colby Robinson
"You are what you eat."
-Evangeline Rand
"Ha, ha. Then you're a lamb!"
-Colby Robinson
"I'm a dead lamb in sauce."
-Evangeline Rand
"Yum, this mango lassi is good!"
-Evangeline Rand
"I just had mango before we got here."
-Colby Robinson
"Your Mom's a mango."
-Evangeline Rand
"Did you know that Carol Wilson said I couldn't marry a midget?"
-Evangeline Rand ( on Vangie's spousal choices )
"I'm faking my zits."
-Evangeline Rand ( looking for sympathy )
"So if She-Hulk asked you out on a date, you wouldn't go..."
-Evangeline Rand
"...I might have to."
-Chad Rieck
"Weeping for the sins of our country; That's hot."
-Evangeline Rand
"Does anyone know if we have everything to make chocolate chip cookies?"
-Colby Robinson
"I don't think we have chocolate chips. We could make Snickerdoodles!"
-Evangeline Rand
"SNICKERDOODLES MY ASS!!!"
-Colby Robinson
"I'll be your Vegas showgirl."
-Evangeline Rand ( to Danica )
"The true definition of a weed is something that you don't want."
-Scott Hamilton ( on gardening )
"Or something you smoke."
-Evangeline Rand ( not a gardener )
"Are these dishes clean or dirty?"
-Evangeline Rand
"Dirty."
-Danica Boe
"Like my mind."
-Evangeline Rand
"(censored quote)"
-Evangeline Rand
"Man I wish I could quote that, but it's so absolutely, incredibly inappropriate, I can't."
-Danica Boe
"So there is no way to get a clean one, right?"
-Evangeline Rand ( asking Eli and Scott about babies )
"Let's all puke on Scott's floor."
-Evangeline Rand
"Are you okay Eli? Are you having issues in the bathroom?"
-Evangeline Rand
"My hand's in my armpit."
-Evangeline Rand
"She is always grabbing him and he hates it."
-Evangeline Rand ( after viewing a picture of her brother and his wife )
"He hates it when his wife grabs him?"
-Jeannie McDougall
"No, just his man boobs."
-Evangeline Rand
"Ice cream is my porn."
-Evangeline Rand
"That's right! Where's your masculinity now?"
-Evangeline Rand ( to Eli and Scott after winning Cranium )
"Get out of our brain!"
-Evangeline Rand
"How would you draw a mustache on Eli?"
-Evangeline Rand ( regarding conversation about drawing things on people's faces while they are sleeping )
"Look at my puppies. They're fat. Because I have big ankles."
-Evangeline Rand
"He's like Jesus. Who knows when he's coming back?"
-Evangeline Rand ( on Mike Rieck )
"Can I touch your pants?"
-Evangeline Rand
"I'm feeling an emotion. What is this? Rage?"
-Evangeline Rand ( a little confused about the nature of rage )
"I kinda like being human."
-Evangeline Rand
"I wonder if it hurts to lay an egg."
-Evangeline Rand
"Church is for losers."
-Evangeline Rand
"Cheddar is better, but fetta is betta!"
-Evangeline Rand
"Nobody wants to take a picture of my butt...."
-Evangeline Rand
"I just hit stuff against myself."
-Evangeline Rand ( explaining some bruising )
"Ooh, you guys should have a cow!"
-Evangeline Rand
"We don't have a cow, but we have a TV!"
-Amanda Elk
"Bitter like the horseradish to remind us of the tears of your people."
-Evangeline Rand
"We will call it Vangie land."
-Evangeline Rand
"Maybe Screwey is a pacifist."
-Evangeline Rand
"Must I bring some hippies to protest in front of your house?"
-Evangeline Rand
"I'd like to say I've eaten this entire meal without using utensils."
-Evangeline Rand
"There's an olive "down there.""
-Evangeline Rand
"Yay... whee... we're connecting!"
-Evangeline Rand ( after making a social breakthrough with Yuffie )
"Nathan, you can turn a lot of gay guys straight like that."
-Evangeline Rand
"Is that playing, or some sort of weird cannibalism?"
-Evangeline Rand ( asking why the cats chew on each other )
"He encourages it with the way he dresses. He's asking for it."
-Evangeline Rand ( on Eli Rieck's tendency to get stalked by stalkers )
"Eli takes the garbage out. That's why the chicks dig him."
-Evangeline Rand
"You gotta have your goodbye time, wink wink, hint hint, you fill in the blank."
-Evangeline Rand
"I'm like the Fonz... The Vangonz. Oh wait, that doesn't work."
-Evangeline Rand
"Feel the healing spirit. Oh, I'm so hard up."
-Evangeline Rand
"I care about sex!"
-Evangeline Rand
"Keep on rockin' in the free world!"
-Evangeline Rand
"Are you talking about the guy with the big balls?"
-Evangeline Rand
"Does Eli shed? It is gross? Does his hair remind you of your sister?"
-Evangeline Rand
"Gee, your cucumber is kind of soft. I like mine a bit more firm."
-Evangeline Rand
"Mike, you could open a doughnut shop and call it Mike's Balls of Lard."
-Evangeline Rand
"Olympia girls know how to rock!"
-Evangeline Rand ( screaming at the band The Myriad )
"Mike and his big, burly chest."
-Evangeline Rand
"Hi, I'm crazy pancake man!"
-Evangeline Rand
"Mexican men are so hot... they would touch my butt and my thighs on the subway, ...it made me feel sexy."
-Evangeline Rand
"Food is love. If you refuse my bacon, you refuse a little bit of me."
-Evangeline Rand
"Do I create chaos? Or does it just happen?"
-Evangeline Rand