"Don’t wipe your Vagisil on me!!!"
-Eli Rieck ( Upset with this brother. )
"The less I know the more I don’t."
-Mike Sheppard
"Now I know less."
-Eli Rieck
"Choose wisely!"
-Eli Rieck
"There's no wisely in here."
-Silas Rieck ( 3 )
"I want to be a backup dancer for Justin Timberlake."
-Danica Rieck
"(unbridled snorting laughter)"
-Eli Rieck
"Guess I'm crossing that off my bucket list."
-Danica Rieck
"Anything for you, you son of a bitch."
-Danica Rieck
"That's marriage. To a T."
-Eli Rieck
"Can you imagine if your kid was born with a perfect Hitler mustache?"
-Danica Rieck
"WE'RE DOOMED!"
-Eli Rieck
"Golly, I'm not feeling too well."
-Eli Rieck
"Maybe it was something you ate."
-Danica Rieck
"Well I have been mauing on those rotten pies."
-Eli Rieck
"These shoes make be feel like I am pretending to be an adult."
-Danica Rieck
"You are an adult, in fact you are getting quite old."
-Eli Rieck
"I always thought that I might die young."
-Danica Rieck
"To late for that!"
-Eli Rieck
"Honey! Whatever you're doing, stop it!"
-Danica Rieck
"What if I was running to get you chocolate?"
-Eli Rieck
"From the bathroom? That's poopoo!"
-Danica Rieck
"I do a lot of math at work before coffee... I hope I don't get fired."
-Eli Rieck
"Knock it off! I'm trying to be romantic!"
-Danica Rieck
"You made the poop face first!"
-Eli Rieck
"That's the wine talking."
-Danica Rieck
"The wine knows what it's talking about."
-Eli Rieck
"Honey, I'm sorry for making the food so good."
-Eli Rieck
"It's okay. You're keeping me in my winter coat."
-Danica Rieck
"That squeaks?"
-Danica Rieck
"Ours doesn't."
-Eli Rieck
"I'm sure it does. I just never thought to squeeze it there."
-Danica Rieck
"Clam chowders so rich."
-Danica Rieck
"That's what I should be for a living! Clam chowder!"
-Eli Rieck
"You never talk in a southern accent unless you're having a grand ole time."
-Eli Rieck ( deducing that his wife must have been having fun due to her fake southern accent. )
"I can't get enough of these crackers!"
-Eli Rieck
"You're so racist."
-Danica Rieck
"You gotta smell this."
-Eli Rieck ( Pointing at some pork )
"That was like wedding night talk."
-Eli Rieck ( Enjoyed getting married a little too much... )
"If we're roasting marshmallows, I should shave."
-Eli Rieck
"Aww, she's embarrassed."
-Eli Rieck
"It's okay, baby. Mommy and Daddy fart. Mommy and Daddy don't poop their pants..."
-Danica Rieck
"My stubble is older than my daughter!"
-Eli Rieck
"That's the sincerest form of flattery."
-Eli Rieck
"Mockery?"
-Danica Rieck
"Henry, put down the blowtorch."
-Mike Sheppard
"Oh, he's fine. The gas is non-toxic."
-Eli Rieck
"Well, when you taunt when you're on the pot, you run the risk of... um.."
-Eli Rieck
"Finish it so I can quote it."
-Danica Rieck
"Did I look threatening when I did that?"
-Danica Rieck
"No... but a little bit like Gary Busey."
-Eli Rieck
"You're beating the baby!"
-Eli Rieck
"No, I'm giving her a rhythm."
-Danica Rieck
"I'm farting in fear."
-Eli Rieck
"We just ate a shaggy parasol in our linguine!"
-Eli Rieck
"I can wear tight underwear again!!!!!"
-Eli Rieck
"You stay just the way you are!"
-Eli Rieck
"Off my rocker?"
-Danica Rieck
"I'm radiating deet, I'm going to die of cancer first if that's any consolation."
-Danica Rieck
"It is."
-Eli Rieck ( Taking some comfort in his being swarmed by mosquitoes )
"I'm adding 'guilt trip' to my repertoir."
-Eli Rieck
"I'm adding 'indifference' to mine."
-Danica Rieck
"I'll sleep on a tarp on the living room floor."
-Eli Rieck ( Because he didn't want to take a shower. )
"At least we didn't get murdered."
-Eli Rieck ( putting a positive spin on a car break-in )
"That shouldn't be our standard for a good life."
-Danica Rieck ( putting it in perspective )
"Thanks for being a frickin' tard!"
-Eli Rieck
"Anonymous quote"
-Eli Rieck ( Shouldn't have said that out loud... )
"I've been having a lot of those thoughts that make you talk like a stoner too!"
-Eli Rieck ( He's always talked like that )
"Nobody moves like Usher."
-Eli Rieck
"You gotta be careful, I'm writing on the quote board!!!"
-Eli Rieck ( responding to Danica shouting risque' things from the other room. )
"I can smell the reading in your mind!"
-Eli Rieck
"That's the thing about babies; they're good in moderation and that's IT!!!"
-Eli Rieck
"I can't stand not being in debt!"
-Eli Rieck ( Looking on the bright side of student loans )
"I think I just had the most successful poo of my life. 8 and a half hefty inches. Took less than a minute from start to finish. Satisfaction factor off the charts."
-Eli Rieck ( Recieved in a text message. )
"Yes I measured"
-Eli Rieck ( Unsolicited second message. )
"They have to watch you fondle someone?"
-Mike Rieck ( About the nursing exam. )
"Yep. But it's actually a prosthetic they bought from a sex store. "
-Eli Rieck ( Clearing up the confusion )
"This room would be a blender!!!"
-Eli Rieck ( Commenting on what would happen if a Jack Russell was tossed into a room with two Beagle puppies. )
"That was a really earnest look Danica...like Ernest Goes to Camp."
-Eli Rieck
"I'm not cleaning the kitchen, I don't have time."
-Danica Rieck ( on her way out to babysit for the evening )
"Good! I'm not either!"
-Eli Rieck
"This isn't a solidarity thing dear."
-Danica Rieck
"GAAAAAHHH!!!!"
-Eli Rieck
"Wow, she pees more than you!"
-Eli Rieck
"See, I'm not that bad! You just needed a pregnant woman to give you some perspective!"
-Danica Rieck
"Down here, everything's built on rickety popsicle sticks and a foundation of diarrhea!"
-Eli Rieck ( contrasting Heaven and here... bitterly )
"There's nothing LESS fun than a wet bag of spinach."
-Eli Rieck
"You're not strong enough to clean the WHOLE kitchen."
-Danica Rieck
"You're right, I'm not."
-Eli Rieck
"ELI!!! You're supposed to fall for it!"
-Danica Rieck ( this is the 3rd part of the quotes below which wouldn't save properly )
"You just reminded me of something!"
-Mike Rieck
"What?"
-Mike Sheppard
"I need to flush the toilet!"
-Mike Rieck
"Why?"
-Eli Rieck
"I was on the phone."
-Mike Rieck
"I want to make pizza from your boobs!"
-Eli Rieck
"Hey! Let's see what our farts combined smell like!"
-Eli Rieck ( to Danica Rieck on their wedding night )
"Let's be black, black families have more fun."
-Eli Rieck
"Are you looking at pictures of Obama laughing?"
-Danica Boe
"You'd be a cheap date if you didn't eat so many tots."
-Eli Rieck
"I love you and your bone structure will stand the test of time."
-Eli Rieck
"I went and got black duct tape and put duct tape on it instead of electrical tape. So it looks a LOT better."
-Eli Rieck
"Is your mind blown??"
-Eli Rieck
"Yeah, and I didn't even have to put my clothes back on!"
-Scott Hamilton
"Not many people can do this."
-Eli Rieck
"That's why we wear underwear, Eli."
-Scott Hamilton
"I'm trying something new."
-Eli Rieck
"... outside?"
-Jim Rieck
"It's all part of my plan... see? Planny plan planny plan planny."
-Eli Rieck ( expounding upon his chess strategy )
"I thought my phone was ringing, but it was just your leg vibrating."
-Eli Rieck ( to Scott )
"I thought my phone was ringing, but it was just your leg vibrating."
-Eli Rieck ( to Scott )
"Are you upset about your hair again?"
-Eli Rieck
"No! I'm upset about Neil Diamond!"
-Danica Boe
"I wish I was perfect."
-Danica Boe
"You will be Danica... after you die."
-Eli Rieck
"Was she trying to fornicate?"
-Eli Rieck
"No, she was trying to tear his eyes out."
-Kristin Sheppard
"OK, good."
-Eli Rieck
"There are plenty of situations where I would kill you."
-Eli Rieck ( to Danica )
"It's a figure of speech. Nobody's actually whacking dillies."
-Eli Rieck
"It's a figure of speech. Nobody's actually whacking dillies."
-Eli Rieck
"Mike, I'm glad you're better looking than me and Eli."
-Scott Hamilton ( after Mike got hit on for the second time by an unlikely suitress )
"Bump."
-Eli Rieck ( who then fist bumps Scott )
"What rhymes with 'embryo'?"
-Eli Rieck ( composing some dubious lyrics )
"This is almost as bad as when Tim got his vasectomy reversed."
-Nathan Goff
"Yeah, that was a great night."
-Eli Rieck
"Your mom's a genius."
-Eli Rieck
"No, she's only a nurse."
-Jayden Dale
"Sin in the world causes dandruff, not God."
-Eli Rieck
"You can't be the judge of your own breath."
-Eli Rieck
"Chad, if you make sounds like that in the bathroom, there needs to be an explanation."
-Eli Rieck
"I'm not so sure."
-Glenda Rieck
"Good luck with your search."
-Eli Rieck
"Thanks. I've already given up."
-Danica Boe
"I'll pimp my frickin' space later."
-Eli Rieck ( as the jealousy of McLeopold's talent set in )
"You shouldn't snipe misbehaving children."
-Eli Rieck ( to Mike Rieck, after a bad idea happened )
"That would be mean... but necessary."
-Eli Rieck
"Oxy is short for oxygen."
-Eli Rieck
"Yeah, and moron is short for moron."
-Jim Rieck
"Mmmm. Bubble gum burps."
-Scott Hamilton ( while hiking )
"..and caviar dreams."
-Eli Rieck
"You should live with Scott."
-Eli Rieck
"Kristin's way hotter."
-Mike Sheppard ( this quote added so Mike Sheppard has a good marriage )
"Love is not gross!"
-Eli Rieck
"It is when it's covered in sweat."
-Danica Boe
"Mike, lick the majesty."
-Eli Rieck ( clarifying Chad's posing directions while taking pictures at Yellowstone )
"Eli is Eli"
-Danica Boe
"Yes, and Nathan is Nathan"
-Eli Rieck
"And Chad is Chad!"
-Danica Boe
"Yes, and I don't like smelling feet!"
-Chad Rieck
"Let me find my... something. Yeah I got it."
-Scott Hamilton ( clenching his right buttock )
"Yep, your butt's still there."
-Eli Rieck ( turned out it was his wallet )
"It's probably not illegal."
-Eli Rieck
"Alright.... Let's leave."
-Scott Hamilton
"I need ID for barium sulfate?"
-Eli Rieck ( with shock and disgust )
"Did you wear a grass skirt and a coconut bra?"
-Eli Rieck ( getting to the heart of what Mike was trying to say in the preceding conversation )
"No."
-Mike Sheppard ( inferring that the asker is ridiculous for asking )
"Not at the same time."
-Mike Sheppard
"Ahh, my old peeing grounds."
-Eli Rieck ( fondly looking across the street from Mike Sheppard's house )
"Oh my gosh! That's Copper Sulfate!"
-Eli Rieck
"Maybe I need to be more careful."
-Eli Rieck
"That's what I'm saying. You have to be wary of dart pygmies."
-Scott Hamilton ( the final summation to a well made point )
"Where's your..."
-Eli Rieck
"My wonder bra? I mean, wonder bar."
-Scott Hamilton
"Big difference Scott."
-Danica Boe
"You hit me in the wang... with a Chinese Star!"
-Eli Rieck ( to Mike Sheppard... who sucks at aiming shurikens )
"Give me some sucrose... infant."
-Eli Rieck
"Eli, would you like some coffee?"
-Jeannie McDougall
"Not if you're going to barf in it."
-Eli Rieck
"Mike Sheppard. You're not married to everybody."
-Eli Rieck ( who just caught Mike Sheppard trying to cop a feel from Eli )
"Sometimes with the women I know I think,"Whoa! They have wombs!""
-Eli Rieck
"Lasers bring cats together... in ways they don't want."
-Eli Rieck
"That's ok. You're supposed to feel victimized."
-Eli Rieck ( discussing whether or not to post Randy's quote on 2/3/07 )
"Wait, when you say "Costco dress," do you mean huge?"
-Eli Rieck
"Uhh... Forte just attacked that mouse like Screwey."
-Scott Hamilton
"Does that concern you?"
-Eli Rieck
"Yeah. It might be a disease."
-Scott Hamilton
"Alright kitties, that's enough gorging your fat [asses]. Fat, fat, fat!"
-Eli Rieck ( who didn't actually say a bad word, just a word that sounds like the bad word )
"We need to know more retards."
-Eli Rieck
"Are the animals lost?"
-Scott Hamilton
"Well, they're not saved. There was no Jesus donkey."
-Eli Rieck
""I used to be gay. Remember when I was gay?""
-Eli Rieck ( to Vangie regarding...him being gay? )
"The pole was green. Was the pole green?"
-Eli Rieck ( making fun of stuff, as usual )
"Hey, Scott! This trash can is just like your truck!"
-Eli Rieck ( referring to the pedal action )
"Skaters like old lady crap."
-Eli Rieck ( on Puma shoes )
"Are you sniffing my things?"
-Eli Rieck
"That's the cool thing about reproducing asexually. You don't have to impress anyone."
-Eli Rieck
"NEVER savor a Coors light!"
-Eli Rieck
"[Censored Quote]"
-Mike Sheppard
"[Censored Quote]"
-Scott Hamilton
"Christians aren't supposed to say 'ass.'"
-Eli Rieck
"With your brains and my saying "yes," we can do anything!"
-Eli Rieck ( to Scott )
"They're cute so that we don't eat them."
-Mike Sheppard
"I bet they're delectable."
-Eli Rieck
"How true that probably is."
-Mike Sheppard ( on babies )
"We really do have all kinds of back problems."
-Mike Sheppard ( on people over 6 feet tall )
"Plus brain damage!"
-Eli Rieck
"If only we had these things built into ourselves. Wait...."
-Eli Rieck ( on squirt guns )
"Is that a dog?"
-Mike Rieck
"No, that's Mike Sheppard quacking along with lounge music."
-Eli Rieck
"Mike Sheppard, just so you know, I am washing all of my pants and shorts right now."
-Eli Rieck
"So you won't be wearing pants all night?"
-Mike Sheppard
"Right."
-Eli Rieck
"(I won't be leaving my room.)"
-Mike Sheppard
"Christian feeling is fine."
-Eli Rieck
"What the heck? Is she a demon?"
-Eli Rieck ( remarking at how Helmi frightened Yuffie, Screwey and Ari into submission )
"Ladies don't fart out of their faces."
-Eli Rieck
"Did you feel his pain?"
-Eli Rieck
"Yeah."
-Kristin Soukkala
"How did it feel?"
-Eli Rieck
"Fine."
-Kristin Soukkala
"I have two spaying quotes now."
-Eli Rieck ( logging his third spaying quote )
"I snipped her jumblies."
-Eli Rieck
"How many layers can you put on a loaded question?"
-Scott Hamilton
"I'll have to ask my ex."
-Eli Rieck
"Babies do not grow into people!"
-Eli Rieck
"I'm gonna dissect a shark!"
-Eli Rieck ( when given the option of dissecting a shark or a placenta )
"They better not be in lingerie!"
-Eli Rieck ( while searching for some friends at Fred Meyer )
"He [Mike Rieck] is YOUR brother!"
-Mike Sheppard
"Don't blame me!"
-Eli Rieck
"Play it! The Spice Girls are Awesome!"
-Scott Hamilton
"Quote it!"
-Eli Rieck
"Aw crap...."
-Scott Hamilton
"This is the light of constipation."
-Mike Sheppard
"It just went out."
-Eli Rieck
"That can't be good...."
-Mike Sheppard
"This is the light of constipation."
-Mike Sheppard
"It just went out."
-Eli Rieck
"That can't be good...."
-Mike Sheppard
"I'm going to make cookies now."
-Mike Sheppard ( following a year of swearing off cookies )
"Whoa, is that going to feel dirty?"
-Eli Rieck
"Over there there's lots of hicks and farmers that would kill a Goth."
-Eli Rieck ( explaining why there aren't many Goths in eastern Washington WSU )
"I thought she was the other cat. I was using the wrong style to pet her."
-Eli Rieck
"[Eric Clapton] almost married [Sheryl Crow]"
-Eli Rieck
"Can't you say that about her and anyone?"
-Mike Sheppard
"You're right, I almost did marry her...."
-Eli Rieck
"So we agree on... nothing really."
-Eli Rieck
"I successfully drank water!"
-Mike Sheppard
"Oh, the things you can accomplish when you do them."
-Eli Rieck
"I don't think people wag enough things."
-Mike Sheppard
"I think they do."
-Eli Rieck ( disagreeing with a rather underdeveloped premise )
"He's endearing... and creepy."
-Eli Rieck ( discussing one of his clients )
"Well I wasn't naked."
-Eli Rieck
"I like this story so far."
-Marshall Crabtree
"Shut up! Just let me push buttons!"
-Eli Rieck
"Could you stop being sensuous?"
-Eli Rieck ( objecting to Mike Sheppard's hula hooping )
"NO."
-Mike Sheppard ( refusing to be brought down by the man )
"Eli Rieck! I've changed the names of the ugly people!"
-Mike Sheppard
"I'll be right there!"
-Eli Rieck
"Hey, you know what? Apparently the peppers I've been eating off of my pepper plant that died...POISON!"
-Eli Rieck
"Want to play tic tac toe three in a row?"
-Caitlin Roth
"I don't know Caitlin, nobody can beat me."
-Eli Rieck
"No, I could beat you. I even beat my own self!"
-Caitlin Roth
"There is no racist magnetic poetry."
-Eli Rieck
"You might have a sales opportunity down south."
-Scott Hamilton
"Do you want the straight end or the bendy end?"
-Eli Rieck
"I didn't have pecs before I worked at Cinnabon."
-Eli Rieck
"You should be able to breathe food."
-Eli Rieck
"It was pretty good until you tasted it."
-Eli Rieck ( reminiscing on the flavor of Mike's "critically disapproved" apple cider bread. )
"If you're in a crowd and everyone is naked... I'm not going to finish that thought."
-Eli Rieck
"I need steel toed socks."
-Eli Rieck
"Do you have enough crotch tape for me?"
-Eli Rieck ( struggling with one of life's fundamental questions )
"Do you love Scott?"
-Mike Sheppard
"Yes I do."
-Eli Rieck
"Did it feel weird to say that?"
-Mike Sheppard
"Yes it did."
-Eli Rieck
"Screwey is having [a nightmare] constantly."
-Eli Rieck ( explaining Screwey's typical behavior )
"Ah, the sweet smell of spawning zerg."
-Eli Rieck
"I put to many humps in your 'M'."
-Eli Rieck ( to Mike )
"I'm gonna breed mutants."
-Eli Rieck
"You're a FREAKIN' dork!"
-Eli Rieck ( to Mike Sheppard )
"PYRO!"
-Eli Rieck ( accusingly )
"Me...?"
-Mike Sheppard ( confused at why Eli would brand Mike a pyro )
"It's my philosophy to never smell someone's fingers."
-Eli Rieck
"It's my philosophy to never smell someone's fingers."
-Eli Rieck
"Do you REALLY want a flame thrower?"
-Eli Rieck ( with glee )
"Why do you have to wizz on my carpet all the time?"
-Mike Sheppard
"It's my carpet too!"
-Eli Rieck
"What the heck? It's not wet in here, why is it wet outside?"
-Eli Rieck ( interpreting for Screwey Rieck )
"I will never wear spandex... unless it's for a joke when I'm old."
-Eli Rieck
"Nice karate chop action."
-Chad Rieck
"Somebody pushed my button."
-Eli Rieck
"Either one will do. You're both fuzzy."
-Eli Rieck
"Whoa, another bag of hot chicks!"
-Eli Rieck ( while discussing guppy aquarium life )
"You turned off the light with your insanity."
-Eli Rieck ( to Mike Sheppard )
"I am Ormus."
-Mike Sheppard
"You're Mike Sheppard."
-Eli Rieck
"That's not what Ormus says."
-Mike Sheppard
"Someday you'll learn to listen."
-Eli Rieck ( to TJ Roth )
"What?"
-TJ Roth
"I'm gonna go create an opportunity for carnage."
-Eli Rieck
"Oh, umm... I'll be right there."
-Mike Sheppard
"Can I get hip extensions?"
-Mike Sheppard
"What direction would those go?"
-Eli Rieck
"Kristin, we don't know what to do with these. Do you have any recipes for pumpkin pie?"
-Eli Rieck
"Uh oh... altercation imminent... near my crotch."
-Eli Rieck
"This is pretty nice. Hey you guys want to try this?"
-Eli Rieck ( offering some random children the opportunity to lay down in the driveway where his car used to be )
"Don't scare the neighbors...."
-Mike Sheppard ( to Eli Rieck )
"(Eli says something rather graphic about what Aztecs must do to their genitals in order to become a priest, edited for more sensitive viewers.)"
-Eli Rieck
"I'm glad Christianity doesn't require the same thing. "
-Mike Rieck
"I'm not a fan of oscillation."
-Eli Rieck
"Eli, I need to pee really really bad!"
-TJ Roth
"Well, then wet your pants."
-Eli Rieck
"For reals?"
-TJ Roth ( eyebrows raised in shocked wonder )
"NO!"
-Nathan Goff and Eli Rieck ( simultaneously )
"When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you...."
-Eli Rieck
"Think deeply Christian thoughts!"
-Mike Sheppard
"Hey Eli, can you tell me what my cereal is called?"
-Mike Sheppard
"Yes."
-Eli Rieck
"Tea makes this straw floppy."
-Eli Rieck
"I think Yuffie might be Korean. She's giving Screwey a pedicure."
-Eli Rieck
"I dropped lust in the crack over there."
-Eli Rieck
"That's a very interesting nipple you have right there."
-Eli Rieck
"There's only one thing to do when you're tired."
-Mike Sheppard
"Steal a hose."
-Eli Rieck
"I ain't gonna lie to ya. It's not sodium pentathol."
-Eli Rieck
"Work, Butthole."
-Eli Rieck ( to a TV remote )
"I'm sure glad you weren't in the bathroom when you said that."
-Mike Sheppard
"Work, Butthole."
-Eli Rieck ( to a TV remote )
"I'm sure glad you weren't in the bathroom when you said that."
-Mike Sheppard
"Well, it's either now, or when you're sleeping."
-Eli Rieck
"Aw... it didn't talk about the fire."
-Eli Rieck
"Does your email have to do with pee?"
-Eli Rieck
"YES."
-Mike Sheppard
"She likes to be treated like a dog, but she doesn't understand her part."
-Eli Rieck
"Eli is the Cat Casanova!"
-Mike Sheppard
"Please don't let that be my new nickname."
-Eli Rieck
"My house is a powder keg!"
-Mike Sheppard
"Only the garage...."
-Eli Rieck
"I'm a dork. I have to lick myself."
-Eli Rieck
"They take out the things that look sensuous."
-Eli Rieck ( on how cats are spayed )
"Whoa! My deodorant quit working."
-Eli Rieck ( time passes )
"Mike Sheppard, can I borrow your deodorant?"
-Eli Rieck