"“How did you lose your arm?” “In the line of duty.”"

-Anonymous ( Watching ‘The Fugitive’ )

"He he he….duty…."

-Lucy Sheppard

"Whoa, that's a big iPod."

-Anonymous ( Uttered by a child checking out an iPad. )

"I want to build a website that appeals to the Amish people."

-Anonymous

"That pixel is to big, can you make it smaller?"

-Anonymous ( Marketing asking us about something on our website. )

"OMG, I didn't know you can zip like that!"

-Anonymous ( Windows 7 zip utility )

"If you have the least little urge you're gonna fart, head for the toilet! "

-Anonymous ( Overheard at work, two gentlemen discuss a cleansing product )

"You're going to want a massage. One of those deep tissue bastards."

-Anonymous ( Overheard at work. )

"There's something I want to do but I can't get my wife to agree to it. I want to photograph nude models. "

-Anonymous ( Overheard at work. )

"It's not easy being enthusiastic. It takes work!"

-Anonymous ( Overheard at work )

"Oh... dangit! I wanted to say "fire in the hole" first."

-Anonymous ( Just after passing flatus )

"Sneezes are quite enjoyable. I think they are about equal with pecan pie."

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend )

"Hey Eli, is it illegal to have a cockfight with ducks?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"What state is Utah in?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"If you want some more syrup, there's some on the stove."

-Chad Rieck ( eating Johnny Cake )

"I think I'm fine, (said in a whisper) I'm diabetic."

-Anonymous ( Friend Jenna )

"You better bring some earplugs."

-Anonymous ( a client of Eli's on the prospect of being catheterized )

"You're in a pickle, Miss Rand... Do people still say that phrase?"

-Anonymous ( Vangie's Therapist )

"It's gonna be 2008 this year."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"Danica come quick!...There is a squirrel with MS or some other neurological disorder in the back yard!"

-Anonymous ( caregiver to Danica's great-aunt Muriel )

"You know, you could probably read better if you took your finger out of your eye!"

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend )

"I wouldn't use cloth (diapers). In China they pee in a hole, here we use disposable diapers...it all evens out."

-Anonymous ( at Lily's other birthday party )

"Cut me some slack, Jack."

-Danica Boe

"What's 'slackjack?' Some sort of cheese?"

-Anonymous ( From a 7 year old )

"Could you share my balloon back to me?"

-Anonymous ( Coming from a 4 year old )

"Have you seen Marco?"

-Anonymous

"What's that called when somebody spraypaints on Jesus's fingernails?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"It's pretty."

-Chad Rieck

"Yeah, they're like cow sprinkles."

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend, looking at finely chopped hamburger )

"My birthday's exactly a year apart."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's when asked how he can get a year older in six months, like he said )

"I've lost my appetite for killing."

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend Brittany )

"Somedays, I just wish I was in a coma."

-Anonymous ( not wanting to do homework )

"My hair is split like North and South Korea."

-Anonymous ( Chad's friend, looking at her split ends )

"So, Chad's like his own Secret Santa Claus!"

-Anonymous ( chad bought a sandwich for a homeless man, but he ditched and Chad kept it )

"I broke my spine and I sneezed!"

-Anonymous ( Chad's roomie )

"When I first learned that a French horn and an English horn were in different families, I was dumbfounded!"

-Anonymous ( on online classmate of Colby's responding to textbook reading in the discussion board )

"Well I know her Dad's older than SHE is."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"Hey! How do you like my underwear?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"That's where Canadian money comes from."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's, talking about Canada )

"You shouldn't shoot monkeys."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"She was laughing so hard she was crying and farting at the same time."

-Anonymous ( talking about a fun time with one of her clients )

"Hey, Tommy. What color is your spinner bait?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"Which one?"

-Tommy Herrera

"The yellow one."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"(later, quietly to Eli and after much mirth) ...It's chartreuse."

-Tommy Herrera

"Ah. Jeff Daniels. The hard stuff."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's, in response to seeing a bottle of liquor on tv )

"It's been a while since a butt's hit this face."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's, On quitting smoking )

"Michael Meyers [of the 'Halloween' movie series] is a fast runner, isn't he? He could play for the Dallas Cowboys if he wasn't so crazy, right?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"I was in deep thought."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"With Who?"

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"James Bond is a really good actor."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's )

"Okay, this is kinda cool. I can finally see my hands."

-Anonymous ( A client of Eli's, after washing his hands )